Usually, people say things like "work in what you love and you will never have to work a day in your life". This is false.
As the phrase in my blog says, from master Delacroix: "I write it for myself alone; I will therefore be truthful, I hope." So I just want to write here what I feel.
The word "amateur" that means someone who does something for love, is opposed to "professional" that is someone who does it for money. Most people tend to think it's just those two alternatives. It's not.
When you depend on others buying your stuff to live, creating often becomes boring, repetitive, and... not yours.
Some people find a balance. I know great artists that do the works they like, then sell them, and have a solid community that often buys their beautiful creations. They are free to create and get profit. I think that is the best situation, and it's great to see some got it.
Another good option is to do what you like, and yes, be open to receive donations or some patronage, but not being that the main reason to create, and often this means low income from what you create. That is, I think, my case.
Since I was a child I liked to draw, model, and create things, from scratch. Then when I grew up, my dream was to have any job, and have enough time to create for hours each day. I think that was the right path for me. With life, I had to stop creating simply because I had no time.
So two years ago, generative art and some changes in my life meant to have time again to create. I feel so happy now that I can express what is inside me.
I also have an arts job, but I don't consider it artistic. People tend to think it's cool. But when you do a creation for money, or as a job, you can't express yourself.
You are just doing what others like, thinking in what they will like. It's not even the same part of your brain which works, as you have to be in the rational side all the time. You don't create for yourself. It's not your vision. It's just a product.
Those fortunate artists that do what they like, and have a community, usually will see they sell it too. But that was never my case.
I know my taste is not of the majority, and that people may just want other things.
But in this moment of my life, I am every day more sure that, for me, turning this into a business may be killing it. I am not interested in ruining what makes me happy. I don't care of being considered an amateur, or not even an artist.
For me, creation is just a need. I do it because it makes me happy. I won't do your vision, because it's me who needs to express, not you. If you enjoy and like, you can support me in some way. But I will continue creating either way.
In the two last years, generative art has shocked all internet. I know many will just hate me because of using it as part of my process. It's useless to explain that it's not the only thing. That it is made with things I created, that I made my styles and my own world and characters, and that it also implies a pre-work, work in the middle, and post-work. It's also useless to tell them to look elsewhere, and see if they see something similar. Uniqueness means nothing to them. Sensibility is needed to overcome the black/white mindset.
I know and hate the bad uses and the flood these tools mean. But it will pass. Most people will just lose interest. They already do. By the way, it's the same kind of materialist greedy people, not the creative ones.
If I had not these tools, what would I do? Probably just draw only, or make something in 3D, or digital art without it. It doesn't change a bit. I would simply not able to express with such detail my creations. No one would do them. The world would have not my works, which is not important at all, but that's the fact. I wonder why people want a world with less creation, and not more.
Yes I know many do a bad use, imitate and use it in bad ways. But hey I for me don't need many of the things we have in society. I could do the same things I do without police, state, or law. I would behave the same way. I just use this to express and create, for love of art, not for money, and that doesn't harm anyone.
I used to think "I can maybe make money from this", but soon later I changed my mind. I though "is that really what you want?" And the answer is
no.
I don't want to take my Tamzyn, my world of fantasy, the game I am putting my creativity into, and turn them into the vision of someone else. I want to do it all alone, and do what I have not done in years: create directly from my mind. Not comply to anyone or anything.
I listen, I value feedback, but sorry this is something between myself and the power of creation. Nothing and no one in between. It's like breathing again, like a bird spreading wings to fly after being in a cage of needs and duties.
In some way, nymphs, and Tamzyn as a dryad, represent that: the Dionysian will to be free, the things made for pleasure, and need.
I don't think many will understand what I am saying. As I said, I write mostly for myself, I know. People are too busy in social sites.
Maybe someone who is creative can understand. I know all professionals can be creative, but the way they are creating is not the way they truly feel, except if they are really lucky, or socially adapted.
We should always think that maybe that thing that you love to do, is better to do for love, than for money. So it doesn't become a different thing. You need to do what you love, because you love it.
Don't sell it, or at least keep some time a day to create just for love, without a purpose. Even if it's your job. I also would love to see it, if you want to share in comments. And if it's commercial, spam me too. I am not envious of your success.
I love this phrase of Ramon Trecet, that I feel like mine, and it's the only advice I can give you:
"Seek beauty. It's the only protest that is worth in this cold ugly world".
PD: Here you are some photoreal images. You can click to zoom, as they are big. Download if you wish, not remove the watermark so you and others can come here and see more. And yes, they are not real, but they should.
PD: I was experimenting with Tamzyn and the wind, and some light effects. Here's some wallpapers you can download:
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